There’s a measure of clarity that comes when you’re on the 5th night of working past 4am on a project. That clarity pertains primarily to the idea that I am doing work for the sake of saying I’m working instead of working towards a goal. And, upon further assessment, I can genuinely say that I am working on a project that I’d rather not be involved with and in doing so, it reminds me of the fact that I have a consistent streak of being unable to decide on which direction to take projects these days. Such is every other aspect of my life, AND I need to change it.
So, I’m going back to square one.
This time 10 years ago I purchased the domain alaldanzopratt.com. I had no real idea what I would use it for and I knew absolutely nothing about the concept of blogging, but I did understand that in terms of branding it would be useful, if for nothing else, the ability to place a web address on my business card ((Yeah, I was thinking about business cards and stuff when I was 21)).
In some form, I’ve had this blog for 8 years, and yet, I only have 150 posts total. In reasoning why, I point to posts like this and this, and finally, this. Indeed, I have deleted all of my old posts and started over every year for the past 4 years. I have no true reason why, save for the idea that I allow the winds of change to sweep me away, leaving my blog rather empty.
Unable to decide on a particular domain, over the past 8 years this blog has resided at alaldanzopratt.com, and aldanzo.com, and alaldanzopratt.com, and danzo.tv, and…. alpratt.com. This, of course, is in addition to danzo.org, danzo.info, aldanzopratt.mobi, aldanzopratt.info, danzo.me, alpratt.info, and alpratt.net.
Over the last 3 years, I’ve had 7 different business card designs, 4 alone in the past year.
The consistent themes in my life over the past few years have been dissatisfaction and lack of a singular focus. I have been plagued with the inability to settle on a singular idea or of a plan of action. In assessing, my father has consistently told me that:
I need to discover my passion….
On that point, I am in full agreement. It appears that I’m always searching for that missing piece. There are so many things that I do that others are much more passionate about. I sing, I write a lot, I design for others, I create constantly, I’m engaged in the youth ministry at my congregation, I co-produce an awards show, and yet, none of those individuals items really move me. Even as I pull all of those individual ideas together under an umbrella and term it all Marketing, it still doesn’t drive me on a consistent basis. In terms of work, I go at it hard; I always have. But, none of that is really getting me anywhere in terms of fulfillment. I would spend hours on end in the library researching and studying and trying to be great in school, so much so that I nearly drove myself insane with desire and want. I believe, by my own personal count, I spent 5 consecutive years worth of Fridays in my mid-twenties holed up in my room reading and writing instead of experiencing anything else. I love reading and writing, but even that isn’t my true passion. My parents are constantly telling me that I need to build better relationships; that, in doing so it will allow me to narrow my focus to what truly matters in life. That, in finding solace in that relationship, I will find a passion in something else altogether. I agree. And, that’s something i’m working on constantly.
I’m seeking a change. It’s always unsettling to look back on how indecisive I have been for the past few years. A lot of it has to do with the fact that I never feel comfortable with the overall quality of the work that I’m producing, be it writing, or strategic work, of something arbitrary. I have a tendency to over-do things even while not being thorough and this has caused me to accomplish less, even while doing more in an effort to stay busy. This lack of balance in thinking and working is really killing any forward momentum I build when I finally am able to deliver a finished project.
And, so, I am resolving to simplify everything. I am planning to do less projects this year, but, do those projects BETTER. I want the work that I complete this year to be meaningful. I have made a personal vow to stick with this particular domain for the entire year. I want to see what I can accomplish if my focus is singularly centered on the current project at hand and not on 7 or 8 projects that I need not be involved with.