Therapy

Recently, I’ve engaged in a rather intense round of reflection and self-assessment. I had to be honest with my self as to what I really want out of my life in terms of joy. It’s my therapy. And, after having a good conversation yesterday about dating and relationships, it made me even more absolute in my current thinking.

I’m NEVER gonna be THAT GUY.

There’s nothing casual, in my mind, about dating. Relationships are too vital to the overall human experience to just think we’re gonna simply happen upon a great one casually. And, I don’t want to be that guy who jumps from relationship to relationship, ever seeking, never finding never seeking to find. I’ve always said, that it is so important, I don’t want the feeling to be diminished. I want my I love you to feel as genuine as possible. I do not want to have said it to a multitude of women. I’m selfish like that.

And, that’s why I’ll wait. I don’t want a lover-friend, or a jump-off ((Watching a ton of Basketball Wives these days, and taking random trips to the Urban Dictionary… Yeah, I’m not hip.)), or anything else remotely close to that; It lies in direct contrast to my faith. That, and I want the maximum effect of love. I want it in its most pure form. I want it the way God meant it to be. I don’t want my heart to be overrun with too many emotions based on past experiences. So, I can’t, in my mind, settle for some simplified emotion. I don’t want to simply pass the time.. It isn’t fair. I’d rather wait patiently for something substantial.

I’ve decided that moving on, for me, doesn’t need to include dating. As I conversed, I became increasingly disheartened that my friends continue to tell me to get back out there and start dating. I know they mean well, and, to be honest, I’ve given it some major thought myself; but, the reality is, I just don’t have a real desire to date at the moment. While I don’t wallow in self-pity on a daily basis, I do still feel a lasting effect of the relationship, and I don’t want to simply date – for dating-sake. I’ve always believed that we only get so many genuine experiences in life when it comes to romance… and, I don’t want to waste one of those simply trying to prove to myself that i’m over someone.

So, I move forward….

Even if it takes a lifetime….

I want to be grabbed by love. To touch, and taste it’s goodness.

Day Two

Learning

Day One

2 comments On Therapy

  • This hit me like a truck…. le sigh… Been there… done that… bought the mug, the t-shirt, the bumper sticker (I don’t even own a car), the oven mitts… all that…

    Reading this took me back “there”… The place I hated living in and existing in… but it was also very freeing… In the most hurtful way… Bittersweet maybe… No.. Melancholy…

    A reminder to be patient in love…

    Thanx…

    Sepia

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